Defenders of the Mirth

Japanese man discovers woman living in his closet

2008-05-30T13:27:00.000-07:00

TOKYO (Reuters) - A Japanese man who was mystified when food kept disappearing from his kitchen, set up a hidden camera and found an unknown woman living secretly in his closet, Japanese media said Friday.

The 57-year-old unemployed man of Fukuoka in southern Japan called police Wednesday when the camera sent pictures to his mobile phone of an intruder in his home while he was out on Wednesday, the Asahi newspaper said on its Website.

Officers rushed to the house and found a 58-year-old unemployed woman hiding in an unused closet, where she had secreted a mattress and plastic drink bottles, the Asahi said. Police suspect she may have been there for several months, the paper said.

"I didn't have anywhere to live," the Nikkan Sports tabloid quoted the woman as telling police.

Local police confirmed that they had arrested a woman for trespassing, but would not comment further on the case.

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Flash in the pan

2008-05-28T13:43:00.000-07:00

Some choice quotes from slashdot about the story how a toilet sunk a German U-boat.

AioKits

My favorite line from that article was this: (enabling the boat to use its toilet at greater depth than before).

It sounds almost heroic to use THAT toilet! Men, I'm going to drop a load at a depth in the ocean, GREATER THAN ANY MAN HAS BEFORE!

pjt33

That is a great line, but I feel it pales in comparison to:

[T]he commander, Schlitt, decided to use the toilet without the help of a trained specialist

And the recent story that brought it all up, Space Station Toilets Poop Out.

How to protect your identify from Google

2008-05-16T00:51:00.000-07:00

A plastic bag recently obscured one of Google's Street View vans.

Maybe this could be a solution to the EU's data protection concerns about Google Street View.

Woman mistook naked thief for husband

2008-05-14T01:15:00.000-07:00

KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) - A Malaysian woman woke up to a real-life nightmare, discovering that the naked man who had slipped into her bed in the middle of the night was a thief, not her husband, a newspaper said on Tuesday.

The 36-year-old housewife was asleep when the thief, noticing that her husband was fast asleep on the couch, quietly stripped off and lay down beside her, the Star newspaper said, quoting a police report filed in the eastern state of Terengganu.

The dozing woman's suspicions were raised when she spoke to him and his voice sounded strange, the paper said.

"She then went to another room and found her husband fast asleep on the couch. That's when she screamed, causing the thief to flee by leaping out the window together with the stolen items," it added.

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Stoned out of your skull

2008-05-12T00:59:00.000-07:00

HOUSTON (Reuters) - Authorities in Texas have filed corpse-abuse charges against two men who allegedly removed a skull from a grave and used it as a bong.

The Harris County District Attorney's Office confirmed on Thursday that misdemeanor abuse of corpse charges have been filed in the case.

One of the men allegedly told police they dug up a grave in an abandoned cemetery in the woods, removed a head from a body and smoked marijuana using the skull as a bong.

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Flatulence ban for club pensioner

2007-12-07T14:12:00.000-08:00

A social club in Devon has banned a 77-year-old man from breaking wind while indoors.

Maurice Fox received a letter from Kirkham Street Sports and Social Club in Paignton asking him to consider his actions, which "disgusted" members.

Mr Fox, a club regular for 20 years, said: "I am happy to oblige them, there is no problem. I do get a bit windy - I am an old fart now."

He said he had to leave the club about three times a night.

In its letter to the retired bus driver, the club said: "After several complaints regarding your continual breaking of wind (farting) while in the club, would you please consider that your actions are considered disgusting to fellow members and visitors.

"You sit close to the front door, so would you please go outside when required. So please take heed of this request."

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'Fake penis' sex attacker jailed

2007-12-07T06:18:00.000-08:00

A sex attacker who hid a carrot in his trousers and pretended it was his erect penis has been jailed for 18 months.

Driving instructor Stephen Cooney, 51, groped three female learner drivers in a series of attacks on Teesside dating back to 2002.

A jury at Teesside Crown Court found him guilty of two indecent assaults and two sexual assaults.

Cooney, of Marske-by-the-Sea near Redcar, told the court the carrot incident was a "practical joke".

The court heard how Cooney put the 12-inch carrot down his trousers and told a pupil in her 40s that a perfectly executed manoeuvre was so good that it had given him an erection.

He then took her hand and made her touch the vegetable before showing her the carrot, the court heard.

He denied placing her hand on his groin, but admitted hiding the vegetable in his pocket.

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Fire crew aid in penis operation

2007-12-06T13:56:00.001-08:00

Firefighters helped operate on a man who was rushed to hospital after getting a metal ring stuck on the end of his penis.

Doctors at Royal Wigan Infirmary in Greater Manchester put out the alert after fearing the man faced amputation as the ring cut off his blood supply.

Two firefighters used a mini hand grinder to cut through the ring during a 20-minute procedure.

It is understood the man, aged in his 40s, was given an anaesthetic.

The firefighters placed a thin sheet of metal around his penis to protect the skin while removing the ring, which appeared to have been cut off from the end of a pipe.

Greater Manchester Fire and Rescue Service confirmed fire crews were called to the hospital at around 12.10 GMT on Thursday to "deal with a situation".

A spokeswoman for Royal Wigan Infirmary said they were unable to comment about the incident.

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Santa's Little Ho's

2007-12-05T16:35:00.000-08:00

CANBERRA (Reuters) - A Santa in an Australian department store said on Wednesday he has been fired for saying "ho ho ho" and singing Christmas songs to children.

Employment company Westaff, which supplies stores with red-robed, white-bearded Father Christmases, had earlier asked its Santas to say "ha ha ha" because the word "ho," which is American slang for whore, could offend women, media reported.

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Prostitute auctions sex for charity

2007-11-28T15:03:00.001-08:00

SANTIAGO (Reuters) - A Chilean prostitute has auctioned 27 hours of sex to raise money for the country's largest charity during an annual fund-raising campaign.

Maria Carolina became an overnight celebrity in the conservative Roman Catholic country, making news headlines and appearing on talk shows since she made her unusual donation to the televised charity event, which runs for 27 hours starting on Friday evening.

"I've already auctioned off the 27 hours of love," Maria Carolina told Reuters on Wednesday, saying she had raised about $4,000. "One of my clients already paid. It seemed like a good deed to him."

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Mugger Takes The Cake

2007-11-27T09:01:00.000-08:00

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A Russian mugger stole a woman's cake as she walked by, then asked the victim to call police so he could go back to prison, Russian media reported Tuesday.

A police spokeswoman in Krasnoyarsk, 4400 km (2700 miles) east of Moscow, said the motives for the crime were unclear, but that when police arrived on the scene the attacker told them he just wanted to return to jail, Russian agency RIA reported.

After checking the arrested man's documents, police learned the mugger had recently served out a 12-year sentence, the spokeswoman said. Charges carrying a potential jail sentence of three years were brought against the cake thief.

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"AssIsn'tSin"'s Creed

2007-11-26T14:17:00.000-08:00

Mind the crap

2007-11-26T09:39:00.000-08:00

LONDON (Reuters) - An official announcer for London's Tube system has been sacked after making spoof messages mocking American tourists, peeping Toms and sweaty commuters.

Voiceover artist Emma Clarke [Ed: Emma voices the announcements for almost all of the London Underground lines, except the Jubilee Line, the Northern Line and Docklands Light Railway.], 36, recorded the announcements in the same smooth tones that have warned millions of passengers to "Mind The Gap" and posted them on her Web site.

The messages include:

* "We would like to remind our American tourist friends that you are almost certainly talking too loudly."

* "Would the passenger in the red shirt pretending to read the paper but who is actually staring at that woman's chest please stop. You are not fooling anyone, you filthy pervert."

* "Would passengers filling in answers on their Sudokus please accept that they are just crosswords for the unimaginative and are not in any way more impressive just because they contain numbers."

* "Here we are crammed again into a sweaty Tube carriage ... If you're female smile at the bloke next to you and make his day. He's probably not had sex for months."

Clarke said it was "just a bit of a laugh." But Tube operator Transport for London (TfL) failed to see the funny side and dropped her, after eight years.

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Announcements

Furry Kisses

2007-11-23T10:05:00.000-08:00

Italian Porno Prof

2007-11-23T10:01:00.000-08:00

ROME (Reuters) - An Italian teacher has been suspended from school because of her extra-curricular activities as a porn star, local authorities announced Thursday.

The out-of-hours behavior of Anna Ciriani, who calls herself "Madameweb" in hard-core videos on the Internet and at erotic shows, was "not compatible with educational activity," the head of the Friuli-Venezia Giulia education authority said.

Ciriani, dubbed the "porno-prof" by Italy's main newspapers, said she never let her hobby get in the way of her teaching.

"My behavior at school has always been professional and irreproachable," she was quoted as saying by the AGI agency.

"I am a normal woman, with my family and my work as a teacher. I am (also) looking for transgression and sex."

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US Man hurt using gun to change tyre

2007-11-13T02:00:00.000-08:00

A US man has injured himself in both legs after attempting to loosen a stiff wheel-nut by blasting it with his gun.

The 66-year-old man from Washington state was repairing his car outside his home when the accident took place.

Shooting at the wheel from arm's length with his 12-gauge shotgun, he was peppered with buckshot and debris.

The man - who police say was on his own and not intoxicated - was taken to hospital with severe, but not life-threatening, injuries.

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Kenyan Village Women Sexually Harassed by Monkeys

2007-11-05T09:48:00.000-08:00

If you live in the small village of Nachu in Kenya, watch out, because a group of approximately 300 marauding monkeys is out to steal your food, sexually harass your women and attack and kill your livestock!

The monkeys are more afraid of young men than women and children, with the bolder individuals throwing stones and chasing the women from their farms. In an attempt to scare the monkeys away, the women are now wearing their husband's clothing, but the wily monkeys are not fooled.

"When we come to chase the monkeys away, we are dressed in trousers and hats, so that we look like men," said Nachu resident Lucy Njeri. "But the monkeys can tell the difference and they don't run away from us and point at our breasts. They just ignore us and continue to steal the crops."

Further, the monkeys also make sexually explicit gestures at the women, according to the residents.

"The monkeys grab their breasts, and gesture at us while pointing at their private parts. We are afraid that they will sexually harass us," said Njeri.

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Not My Penis!

2007-10-30T03:34:00.000-07:00

CANBERRA (Reuters) - A family values campaigner accused of taking pornographic photographs of himself has been dumped as a candidate for Australia's November election by the Christian-values Family First Party.

Sydney music teacher Andrew Quah, 21, admitted photographs showing his penis and circulating widely on gay websites had embarrassed his party and made his candidacy untenable.

"But that's not my penis," Quah told the Sydney Morning Herald newspaper, adding one of the images may have been digitally altered.

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Oral Sex Teen Freed

2007-10-28T01:57:00.000-07:00

ATLANTA (Reuters) - A Georgia man sentenced to 10 years in jail without parole for having consensual oral sex with a 15-year-old girl when he was 17 walked free on Friday after the state's top court ordered his early release.

Genarlow Wilson was greeted by his family as he left the Burruss Correctional Training Facility in Monroe County, Georgia, after serving two years, eight months in jail in a case that sparked a national campaign on his behalf.

"I was pretty confused for the most part (in jail) not knowing what to expect with all the (legal) disappointments we dealt with early on but I am finally happy to see that we have got justice now," Wilson told reporters.

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Ninjas attack HMS RMS

2007-10-21T07:47:00.000-07:00

When RMS took the stage to address the Yale Political Union, Yale's venerable parliamentary debate society, it was already an unusual speech: instead of the jacket and tie customary there, he sported a T shirt, and no shoes. But then he was attacked by ninjas. Apparently some students took it into their head to duplicate an XKCD webcomic before a live audience — luckily, though, Stallman didn't resort to violence. Instead, he delivered an excellent speech about DRM.

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Drunk Dialing

2007-10-19T02:48:00.000-07:00

VIENNA (Reuters) - An Austrian motorist too drunk to change a tire phoned a police emergency number by mistake instead of the breakdown service and wound up losing his license, police said on Thursday.

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Official can't be fired in sex e-mail flap

2007-10-17T08:17:00.000-07:00

Charles Webb was a senior highway maintenance manager with Pennsylvania's Department of Transportation, or PennDOT, making $84,000 a year. He supervised 156 employees and was the highest-ranking PennDOT official in the York County Maintenance Office. His duties included ensuring that his subordinates followed PennDOT's acceptable use policy for the Internet.

Instead of focusing on solely on highway maintenance, however, Webb spent time forwarding sexually explicit, salacious and off-color e-mails.

Those included penis jokes, videos of stuffed animals simulating sex, a Microsoft Word document entitled "The Benefits of Sex," and a series of photographs (sent to his male subordinates) of women with their breasts exposed or skirts lifted up.

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